i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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