I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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