How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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