He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
