I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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