its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
