dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
