Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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