I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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