my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
