Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
