im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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