sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
