i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
