i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We need a shit load of segways right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
