5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
