he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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