The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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