Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
