Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
