Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
