you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
