remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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