the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
