Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Found the puke drawer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
