the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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