Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
