I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
