So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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