I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
