so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
