That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
