Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
