We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
