i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
