the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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