I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
