I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
