sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
