I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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