Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
