This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
