So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We are two peas in an std pod
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
