I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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