some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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