I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
