True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
