thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my shit smells like andre
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize