The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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