we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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