He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
