I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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