Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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