I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
