So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
