It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
