Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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