Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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