You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
