yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
