He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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