so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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