....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
