He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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