Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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