How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
