so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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