I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
