Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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