The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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