I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
