hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
