Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
