Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
