too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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