I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
