Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
