im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
