I have demons in me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
