Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
