She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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