I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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