You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
