my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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