so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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