my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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