Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
