I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He shit in the fireplace
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
