You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
