Walk of Shame. In a state park.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
