i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This toilet bowl is my home.
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