just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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