i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
