Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
