im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
