whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
