I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
