Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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