Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
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