i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
