You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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